Welcome to Bator Sex. This ecstatic issue aims to soar into the realms of the sublime, where in pleasure we become one with the Universe. With this zine we mean to reveal the intangible in hope it might bring winds of change and sweep out old stagnant ideas. We speak from the heart, with honesty and clarity.
Our search for ecstasy shapes our lives. This is especially true for queer men, who currently face an epidemic of death and disconnection looking for it in hook-up culture and chemsex. In this final issue we present frameworks where pleasure connects us to ourselves and others.
We always find our way into pleasure, many of us were called gooners before we knew what it was. Bators built an independent framework and culture around shared ecstasy. They did this intuitively through trial-and-error and socializing around online cam bating. Other traditions have been doing it for thousands of years. We can draw parallels between edging and tantric Lingam massage, cum control and Taoist energy techniques of semen retention.
Like air, ideas are invisible but they are revealed through movement. Words used to talk about sex often allude to dirt and wrongdoing. It’s “naughty”, people who love it are “filthy” or “pigs”. It’s done in the dark, compartmentalised and hidden. We think calling someone “so masculine” is a compliment. We compete and treat each other as disposable. Mainstream sexuality reflects a shadow-based, shameful, competitive, patriarchal and dissociated sexual paradigm.
In the book “King Kong Theory”, Virginie Despentes argues that King Kong is “a metaphor for sexuality before the separation of the genders […]. King Kong is beyond male and beyond female. It is hooked on the link between man and beast, adult and child, good and bad, primitive and civilized, black and white.[…] The island in the film becomes the potential for ultra-powerful, polymorphic sexuality.” It is not intentional, but certainly not a coincidence that the epitome of gooning is the “gorilla bator”.
Beast, monkey, animal —that’s how bators compliment each other. Bating, edging and gooning focus on riding the sensations in your body, not analysing them; the untamed animal language reflects that. It also reflects seeing each other and sharing the experience. “Let’s get dumb” is a call to drop the social masks and focus on unfiltered feeling. You’ll often hear compliments as well as things like “I love you bro” and “that was beautiful, thank you for that”.
Bator lingo reflects a light-based, beautiful, collaborative, integrated and embodied sexual paradigm.
These two paradigms coexist in bate spaces. You will hear a lot of heavily gendered and shame-based language, especially from bators who consume a lot of porn. The porn-obsessed side of bate culture floods the internet, getting a lot of visibility and representation. The more connection-driven bators just bond, making no noise and reaching less people. We wanted to give this version more visibility.
This is not an aesthetic. We really mean it. Calling someone ‘bro’ doesn’t mean anything if you’re not willing to modify your behavior in order to respect their boundaries.
We’re sharing our manifesto, written with Bator Bro community members. It distills the vision of the Bator Sex series in an easy and practical way. The values and community guidelines can be applied across different types of events, online and in-person, in order to advocate for others to follow this new paradigm.
We hope you enjoy this issue. We wish this seed continues to grow into a network of warm, interconnected, embracing communities. Let’s bate, build, cry and laugh together!
— DoubleA & Nick Woof